The Balancing Act.

I have heard all my life..."it's a balance".  Work and play, life and death, friends and family.  My life is one big balance, and lately I have been playing the balancing act more than ever.  I don't even know if I am being myself anymore.  Cf is a hard subject to balance especially.  When do you share about your disease to someone?  When do you share the gross things about your disease?  When do you share your fears about your disease?  All questions I could ask my cf friends, but each will have a different answer and each will tell me that it is when it feels right.  I know all of that stuff, but it truly is a balancing act of when, how, and what will you tell someone close to you about all of this.  I think I have been so in my head about it that I have been trying so hard to balance not worrying about it, to totally freaking out about it.  There is never a good time to tell someone that you won't be able to have kids, or you cough up copious amounts of mucus each day which makes me want to even get out of my body some days,  or that you never get privacy in the hospital, or an oxygen tank following me could be closer than it seems to being a reality.

Balancing to look normal, and make sure a person knows exactly what they are getting into is so hard it can make me sick to my stomach.  It never used to seem so hard, and I used to be so confident about it, but I feel the more insecure I get with myself and my disease, it is that much harder to let someone into the ugliness of cf.

There is so much more to balance than just cf...normal life things.  When do I need to live with no worries, and when do I need to live with all of the worries in the world?  

No one can give you the perfect formula for balancing, nor do I want it.  It is a guessing game and a good one at that.  For now I will have to see where life takes me and be content with what I find...I will let you know how it goes!