Too much for anybody to handle.

I know I have not written in a while, and I think I really need to start writing more to cleanse my mind.

This last week has been pretty rough for me.  My friend lost her life long battle to CF yesterday.  She declined pretty quickly and most people did not see this coming.

On top of that, a very good friend of mine and my first boyfriend and first kiss is losing his battle with CF.  He has been suffering for a long time and is slowly dying, which is the hardest thing to accept.

Having friends die is not the hard part for me, it is the suffering that I see them go through.  Getting to that point of being so weak and feel like they are drowning is so hard to think about.  It is especially hard to think about because I deal with the same disease.  As much as I say this disease is a blessing, I also think it is the devil.  No one should have to suffer and slowly die like this.  I know people die at all ages and even though that is hard, the hardest part is the slow suffering that makes me cringe.  

As much as I go through my daily life like go shopping with my mom, go on a walk, and make dinner, I can't stop thinking about these people.  If I sit around and sulk it will just be that much harder, but I question how can I do anything normal after such sad news.  How can the world keep going round?  You will always hear the same things...it is what we should do, or they would want to keep going.  Unfortunately, the world does not stop for anybody.  

I made a passing comment to my brother tonight that my friend was not doing well and that he will probably pass soon, and he seemed a bit shocked, but our conversation went on.  My parents finally went to bed and I was still up doing my treatment, and all of a sudden my brother came running out into the living room and was balling.  He practically collapsed into my arms.  He told me in between sobs and heavy breathing, he is scared for our friend.  I told him this is not the place for him anymore and his suffering needs to end.  My brother is not a sentimental person in most respects and I can only imagine he was holding in those tears since I told him the sad news hours prior.  I can't imagine what my brother goes through being the "healthy" sibling.  I know he doesn't think about me all the time, and it would be selfish if I did think that.  But in these times I am sure he is scared of what will happen to me, and I hate that this disease is hurting his life as well.

It has been a tough week and I can only imagine it is going to get even tougher.

I hope everyone is enjoying the beginning of Spring and that you out there are not going through such difficult things right now.

Give your loved ones a hug and be thankful they are still with you.

~Maggie